I used to worry about EVERYTHING. I tend to overthink and instead of living in the moment I ALWAYS think about what may come next. I am the child of a cool cucumber(GINNY) AND KIM TO THE 100X POWER(RONALD) I needed to find a balance.
I hadn't been feeling good for awhile. I didn't know exactly what was wrong but something wasn't right. I had every test you could think of. To say I was scared was an understatement. I felt weak everyday and you know once I get a couple of dollars I BE OUT yet I couldn't find the strength to do the most mundane tasks. I was weak, tired and I stood(briefly at times) defeated.
My physician couldn't reach me by phone so she sent me a letter saying come in ASAP you had some abnormal test results. I received it on a Friday and Auntie Helen was on vacation. I didn't wanna bother her. I told Eboni a little bit about it but rushed her off the phone because she has her own burdens to bear as the mogul in the making she is can be exhausting. I didn't even tell David he's Ronald Jr. with the anxiety when it comes to me. I just took a good ass shower, got JJ ready and went to the doctor with him. I WAS scared. Not crazy, overdramatic, doomsday Kim scared but "what if I'm SICK scared"....
My doctor is so close to my house. As I was going I ran into my day one Diana. She was David's teacher for two different grades in elementary school and we have a bond that time cannot break we have been through so much together over the years. I hadn't seen her in so long I thought she went to another school or just stopped teaching all together. She wasn't in it for the pay she really loves each and every student. My baby used to be so difficult in school. I used to get to work and they would of called me to come get him ALREADY. One time I WAS SO FED UP I told her "just let him finish high school" and she said "the sky's the limit for him hes your child-you're amazing and so is he " I never forgot that.
I'm working on being a better ME and listening to others and displaying empathy. I listened to her as she caught me up to date on her life. Things change and the one constant about life is it goes on. EVERYTIME I talk to her we make each other cry. We have been through some shit together over the years. This time was no different yet very different. The only way you can truly help others is when you have healed.
I was for a long time MAD. I was MAD at my Mother for leaving us. I was mad at her for loving Daddy so hard that we love hard. I was mad at Mommy for raising her kids the way she did. I always felt like no matter what I did it was never enough. I was mad at Mommy for the advice she gave me and how it played out.
Then I got GLAD. I'm glad she raised us like she did. I love David and Jermaine separate but equally. If it wasn't for Mommy JJ wouldn't even be a thought. Mommy loved my Father because regardless of WHAT he had going on he made sure her kids were straight and she could go to WORK. If it wasn't for Mommy I wouldn't be as independent as I am. Even in death she taught me how to live without her. The dreams she had for me, the plans. I got wait listed for Brooklyn Technical High School. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS 3 weeks of Summer School. I blew it off and went to August Martin. My mother never really forgave me. I used to wish she was a little firmer with me. I realize now that she knew I was fragile.
Instead of being able to call her up to ask her what to do I now live and make decisions based on what I think she would do. I offer advice based on what she would say. I spoke to Diana as only Ginny via Kim would and it was awesome. Focus on the good and let go of the bad in any situation. Everything else will fall into place. It's never a loss it's a lesson(in my Kita Jean voice)
So when I saw my doctor I got to the root of the problem. I feel better already and am so thankful. Nothing else matters. My health is my priority. My children need me. David needs to be independent yet not be burdened with responsibilities that aren't his to carry. Jermaine needs and deserves his Mommy at her best.
I'm dating someone and it feels amazing. We been seeing each other yet things have changed. I was scared. I still am. I have two sons and have been through so much. He has two daughters and has been through so much. You have to be careful who you have around your kids. His girls are almost grown and they ain't playing when it comes to their Daddy. The love they have for him and each other is beautiful. We have grown closer and I can tell him ANYTHING. He works so hard and doesn't complain. He's so simple. In a good way. No drama, baggage, women. Nobody bothering me. Above all I like who I am with him. Someone said that on social media and it resonated with me. Pay attention to who you're with when you feel your best. He encourages me. I don't have to be perfect or carry the load. He thinks I'm so beautiful. He knows what I go through with my sons. I met him right after JJ turned one and David was still in school.
So when I finally got around to updating Diana about my life and was telling her about Mo she was ecstatic for me. Genuinely happy for a bitch. I never have a problem meeting men but sometimes you have to ease into things. I had a type and hes not it. I accept him for who he is. And he accepts me. He's so sexy too. I hit the jackpot hes my age but looks so much younger.
I stubbed my toe TWICE and he rubbed my feet through the entire game. He loves that I like basketball and know it good lol. Even my upstairs neighbor who I've known since he was a little boy and is grown now was excited for me when we were in the elevator. I was like "calm down he's not Ed McMahon with a check" through my eyes lmao...we do look great together and its evident he cares about me and it feels good, healthy, grownish. I'm not MAD anymore. I only have a set amount of time to myself for ME and I want to spend it happy I deserve it. We all do...
My health scare made me aware and conscious of the facts that I worry about the wrong things. Aint nobody gonna love my kids or my man like I DO. That's what he said to me... what would WE do without you? He's very health obsessed. He asked me how could someone so SOFT be so HARD at times? And I talked about it with him. After two years I told him my entire TRUTH. He listened. He squeezed my hand and rubbed my shoulders. He kissed me and I didn't cry. I didn't make me out to be a martyr either. He was shocked at some of it because I am a spoiled, goody two shoes to him. He told me his TRUTH. He been telling it and I'm listening and he loves it. Life can make you a way if you allow it but I refuse not to enjoy it. This Summer is going to be the best Summer of our lives. I think we have grown closer because Im being my authentic self with him. With everybody. A New Day has Dawned.
I hadn't been feeling good for awhile. I didn't know exactly what was wrong but something wasn't right. I had every test you could think of. To say I was scared was an understatement. I felt weak everyday and you know once I get a couple of dollars I BE OUT yet I couldn't find the strength to do the most mundane tasks. I was weak, tired and I stood(briefly at times) defeated.
My physician couldn't reach me by phone so she sent me a letter saying come in ASAP you had some abnormal test results. I received it on a Friday and Auntie Helen was on vacation. I didn't wanna bother her. I told Eboni a little bit about it but rushed her off the phone because she has her own burdens to bear as the mogul in the making she is can be exhausting. I didn't even tell David he's Ronald Jr. with the anxiety when it comes to me. I just took a good ass shower, got JJ ready and went to the doctor with him. I WAS scared. Not crazy, overdramatic, doomsday Kim scared but "what if I'm SICK scared"....
My doctor is so close to my house. As I was going I ran into my day one Diana. She was David's teacher for two different grades in elementary school and we have a bond that time cannot break we have been through so much together over the years. I hadn't seen her in so long I thought she went to another school or just stopped teaching all together. She wasn't in it for the pay she really loves each and every student. My baby used to be so difficult in school. I used to get to work and they would of called me to come get him ALREADY. One time I WAS SO FED UP I told her "just let him finish high school" and she said "the sky's the limit for him hes your child-you're amazing and so is he " I never forgot that.
I'm working on being a better ME and listening to others and displaying empathy. I listened to her as she caught me up to date on her life. Things change and the one constant about life is it goes on. EVERYTIME I talk to her we make each other cry. We have been through some shit together over the years. This time was no different yet very different. The only way you can truly help others is when you have healed.
I was for a long time MAD. I was MAD at my Mother for leaving us. I was mad at her for loving Daddy so hard that we love hard. I was mad at Mommy for raising her kids the way she did. I always felt like no matter what I did it was never enough. I was mad at Mommy for the advice she gave me and how it played out.
Then I got GLAD. I'm glad she raised us like she did. I love David and Jermaine separate but equally. If it wasn't for Mommy JJ wouldn't even be a thought. Mommy loved my Father because regardless of WHAT he had going on he made sure her kids were straight and she could go to WORK. If it wasn't for Mommy I wouldn't be as independent as I am. Even in death she taught me how to live without her. The dreams she had for me, the plans. I got wait listed for Brooklyn Technical High School. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS 3 weeks of Summer School. I blew it off and went to August Martin. My mother never really forgave me. I used to wish she was a little firmer with me. I realize now that she knew I was fragile.
Instead of being able to call her up to ask her what to do I now live and make decisions based on what I think she would do. I offer advice based on what she would say. I spoke to Diana as only Ginny via Kim would and it was awesome. Focus on the good and let go of the bad in any situation. Everything else will fall into place. It's never a loss it's a lesson(in my Kita Jean voice)
So when I saw my doctor I got to the root of the problem. I feel better already and am so thankful. Nothing else matters. My health is my priority. My children need me. David needs to be independent yet not be burdened with responsibilities that aren't his to carry. Jermaine needs and deserves his Mommy at her best.
I'm dating someone and it feels amazing. We been seeing each other yet things have changed. I was scared. I still am. I have two sons and have been through so much. He has two daughters and has been through so much. You have to be careful who you have around your kids. His girls are almost grown and they ain't playing when it comes to their Daddy. The love they have for him and each other is beautiful. We have grown closer and I can tell him ANYTHING. He works so hard and doesn't complain. He's so simple. In a good way. No drama, baggage, women. Nobody bothering me. Above all I like who I am with him. Someone said that on social media and it resonated with me. Pay attention to who you're with when you feel your best. He encourages me. I don't have to be perfect or carry the load. He thinks I'm so beautiful. He knows what I go through with my sons. I met him right after JJ turned one and David was still in school.
So when I finally got around to updating Diana about my life and was telling her about Mo she was ecstatic for me. Genuinely happy for a bitch. I never have a problem meeting men but sometimes you have to ease into things. I had a type and hes not it. I accept him for who he is. And he accepts me. He's so sexy too. I hit the jackpot hes my age but looks so much younger.
I stubbed my toe TWICE and he rubbed my feet through the entire game. He loves that I like basketball and know it good lol. Even my upstairs neighbor who I've known since he was a little boy and is grown now was excited for me when we were in the elevator. I was like "calm down he's not Ed McMahon with a check" through my eyes lmao...we do look great together and its evident he cares about me and it feels good, healthy, grownish. I'm not MAD anymore. I only have a set amount of time to myself for ME and I want to spend it happy I deserve it. We all do...
My health scare made me aware and conscious of the facts that I worry about the wrong things. Aint nobody gonna love my kids or my man like I DO. That's what he said to me... what would WE do without you? He's very health obsessed. He asked me how could someone so SOFT be so HARD at times? And I talked about it with him. After two years I told him my entire TRUTH. He listened. He squeezed my hand and rubbed my shoulders. He kissed me and I didn't cry. I didn't make me out to be a martyr either. He was shocked at some of it because I am a spoiled, goody two shoes to him. He told me his TRUTH. He been telling it and I'm listening and he loves it. Life can make you a way if you allow it but I refuse not to enjoy it. This Summer is going to be the best Summer of our lives. I think we have grown closer because Im being my authentic self with him. With everybody. A New Day has Dawned.
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