Today would of been your 68th birthday. I just came home from Auntie's house with JJ. Eboni, Bert and the kids and I went to the beach in Delaware. I sat on the edge of the ocean in the sand in my bathing suit Ginny. I went in the water with no ponytail, gel, braids, just my authentic self. I let Jermaine sit in the sand by himself. We ate water ices with gummies. We noshed on the barbeque that Auntie and Bert cooked. You loved the BEACH. I remember going to Dan's Supreme and you buying all the cold cuts and the different rolls and Granny bringing bread from the city. I remember EVERYTHING. You loved going food shopping because the white cashiers always used to assume we were paying with food stamps because of the stuff you bought and pressed the button and you pulled the money out and peeled it off with your long nails... You used to say "this is Post Office Money" I say " they won't give the deaf girl any food stamps" We didn't really go to the beach a lot when we got older because I didn't like the sand and the shells. We didn't do a lot of things because of me.....
YOU SACRIFICED ALOT to make me HAPPY. I talked too much and was always in your business. I always thought I was right. I was so angry with you ALL the time. I always thought that you didn't pay enough attention to me. You were right about so many things. I used to be mad about the wrong things. Up until this SUMMER. I KNOW you see EVERYTHING. I KNOW you KNOW I don't CARE. It's so freeing. Liberation is the essence to survival. I really know my dreams are going to come true. I'm already living it. You used to say " you're the only person that doesn't have to work that wants to work." Auntie says it all the time too... I do know who can take this journey with me. I be in the Amish market Ginny...
Candace is coming to NY with her oldest and we are excited. I love my cousin she is so REAL and when we link up it's always an adventure. You already know what we are doing for Eboni's birthday. I'm living my life Ginny. Some days are better than others but I know you guide me from above.
Out of ALL the lessons you taught me the one that stands out as I navigate being a single Mother again is "he will know what side his bread is buttered on" I try my best with Jermaine Jr. Ginny. He is such a delight and has attempted to fill some of the void that your passing has left. I KNOW that if I had of seen you hurting he may not have been here. I KNOW that you couldn't stay another day. I KNOW that you equipped me with the knowledge, love and tenacity to not only survive but to thrive. I KNOW that at the end of the day only God can judge me. I KNOW that man will let you down but God won't.
Ms. Rosemary passed away. The FIRST thing I said to her when I saw her after ALL THESE YEARS was "Mommy died" She hugged me for about five minutes and wouldn't let me go. It was a hug that I needed and craved from ALL the people I CARRIED. She was and always will be a light in my life. I will immortalize her in prose and dedicate great works in both of your names. I got a 90 on a spelling test because I spelled "theater" "theatre" because I saw it like that on "Jeopardy" I felt it was wrong and ran it by her and she told me to tell the teacher and she changed it. I went to her service because I KNEW that if it was me she would of went. I hadn't been to a funeral since yours. I wasn't ready. I couldn't speak because the loss was too tender, too poignant and it felt like the best thing to do was say my goodbye...I'm living for yall she was going to Dubai this Fall. I cannot spend my entire life on the Eastern Seaboard....
I feel like this Summer I have turned the page. I don't want to get weight loss surgery because I don't have a support system in NY to heal, I'm anemic and I have my kids to think about. So just like cigarettes and toxic people(which I RELAPSED with both this Summer) I'm a get this weight off myself. I'm doing it already. I have to be here for JJ. I'm not arguing with anyone. I don't have this type of time.
I am looking at houses seriously in Delaware. Auntie and Eboni are looking at schools. This great school for Jermaine is my only tie to NY. That and I want to see our community through the beginning of our metamorphosis. The revitalization and gentrification has begun in earnest. I'm excited and cautious. Change is good but it's also frightening. WE SHALL SEE (in your voice)
I watched the final episode of "Mad about you" yesterday. Twenty years late but I KNOW you saw it. It was witty, well written and my favorite phrase "I digress" was used. I KNEW then you were watching it with me. They are rebooting it for Christmas. 90210 too is back. I know you are having a BALL with Luke Perry and James Dean in Heaven.
I see all the signs Mama you send me. I know you are proud of me because I am proud of myself. Self care isn't selfish it's a necessity. With age comes wisdom. I miss you like the stars would miss the Moon. Thank you for loving my Daddy enough to always remember to be kind. People aren't kind. They kick you when you are down and then get mad when you ALWAYS get back up. What's the sense of spending time together on Earth when you aren't going to end up together for eternity? I KNOW where I'm going because you prepared a place for me. I love you and I'm proud to be Gwendolyn's Daughter.
"It's not what you're called but what you answer to"-Madea
"Live on your level yet dream on another"-Tyler Perry
"I just took a DNA test and it turns out I'm a 100% that BITCH"-Lizzo
"If you wanna fly you have to let go of the shit that's weighing you DOWN"-Toni Morrison
"When they go LOW we go HIGH" -Michelle Obama
"My Mother told me to write a book when I was in 5th Grade. She always told me I was gonna be famous one day-that's how I KNEW it would come TRUE"-Kimberly Jenkins
YOU SACRIFICED ALOT to make me HAPPY. I talked too much and was always in your business. I always thought I was right. I was so angry with you ALL the time. I always thought that you didn't pay enough attention to me. You were right about so many things. I used to be mad about the wrong things. Up until this SUMMER. I KNOW you see EVERYTHING. I KNOW you KNOW I don't CARE. It's so freeing. Liberation is the essence to survival. I really know my dreams are going to come true. I'm already living it. You used to say " you're the only person that doesn't have to work that wants to work." Auntie says it all the time too... I do know who can take this journey with me. I be in the Amish market Ginny...
Candace is coming to NY with her oldest and we are excited. I love my cousin she is so REAL and when we link up it's always an adventure. You already know what we are doing for Eboni's birthday. I'm living my life Ginny. Some days are better than others but I know you guide me from above.
Out of ALL the lessons you taught me the one that stands out as I navigate being a single Mother again is "he will know what side his bread is buttered on" I try my best with Jermaine Jr. Ginny. He is such a delight and has attempted to fill some of the void that your passing has left. I KNOW that if I had of seen you hurting he may not have been here. I KNOW that you couldn't stay another day. I KNOW that you equipped me with the knowledge, love and tenacity to not only survive but to thrive. I KNOW that at the end of the day only God can judge me. I KNOW that man will let you down but God won't.
Ms. Rosemary passed away. The FIRST thing I said to her when I saw her after ALL THESE YEARS was "Mommy died" She hugged me for about five minutes and wouldn't let me go. It was a hug that I needed and craved from ALL the people I CARRIED. She was and always will be a light in my life. I will immortalize her in prose and dedicate great works in both of your names. I got a 90 on a spelling test because I spelled "theater" "theatre" because I saw it like that on "Jeopardy" I felt it was wrong and ran it by her and she told me to tell the teacher and she changed it. I went to her service because I KNEW that if it was me she would of went. I hadn't been to a funeral since yours. I wasn't ready. I couldn't speak because the loss was too tender, too poignant and it felt like the best thing to do was say my goodbye...I'm living for yall she was going to Dubai this Fall. I cannot spend my entire life on the Eastern Seaboard....
I feel like this Summer I have turned the page. I don't want to get weight loss surgery because I don't have a support system in NY to heal, I'm anemic and I have my kids to think about. So just like cigarettes and toxic people(which I RELAPSED with both this Summer) I'm a get this weight off myself. I'm doing it already. I have to be here for JJ. I'm not arguing with anyone. I don't have this type of time.
I am looking at houses seriously in Delaware. Auntie and Eboni are looking at schools. This great school for Jermaine is my only tie to NY. That and I want to see our community through the beginning of our metamorphosis. The revitalization and gentrification has begun in earnest. I'm excited and cautious. Change is good but it's also frightening. WE SHALL SEE (in your voice)
I watched the final episode of "Mad about you" yesterday. Twenty years late but I KNOW you saw it. It was witty, well written and my favorite phrase "I digress" was used. I KNEW then you were watching it with me. They are rebooting it for Christmas. 90210 too is back. I know you are having a BALL with Luke Perry and James Dean in Heaven.
I see all the signs Mama you send me. I know you are proud of me because I am proud of myself. Self care isn't selfish it's a necessity. With age comes wisdom. I miss you like the stars would miss the Moon. Thank you for loving my Daddy enough to always remember to be kind. People aren't kind. They kick you when you are down and then get mad when you ALWAYS get back up. What's the sense of spending time together on Earth when you aren't going to end up together for eternity? I KNOW where I'm going because you prepared a place for me. I love you and I'm proud to be Gwendolyn's Daughter.
"It's not what you're called but what you answer to"-Madea
"Live on your level yet dream on another"-Tyler Perry
"I just took a DNA test and it turns out I'm a 100% that BITCH"-Lizzo
"If you wanna fly you have to let go of the shit that's weighing you DOWN"-Toni Morrison
"When they go LOW we go HIGH" -Michelle Obama
"My Mother told me to write a book when I was in 5th Grade. She always told me I was gonna be famous one day-that's how I KNEW it would come TRUE"-Kimberly Jenkins
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