Whitney sang about our children being the future. As a young girl growing up in NYC I experienced a mirage of things. My childhood was filled with the best opportunities and biggest missteps. I have spent my entire life trying to be perfect and falling short every time....
My sons David and Jermaine are a generation apart. Both their Fathers heirs I grew up with David and grew with Jermaine. My sons mean the world to me. Everything I have ever experienced and witnessed led us to today. David and I have been on a journey through the years fraught with ups and downs and highs and lows. We still managed to wait on God and He sent us J.J.
Jermaine is something else. He to me is an old man in a toddlers body. During my pregnancy both my Mother and his paternal Great Grandmother passed away. Two women who when told of his impending arrival smiled so broadly that I KNOW he was delivered to us through them. I attempt to channel their spirit and love for family as I navigate this thing called life and Jermaine’s unique journey we are on.
I truly feel like Autism is a CLUB. A sorority of Mothers, Fraternity of Fathers, a league of caregivers, professionals, doctors....I have only had a few unsatisfactory interactions on this journey and history will be kind to us. For all the naysayers, haters and spiteful people my hope is you turn your television on and see my children and I SOMEWHERE....
It’s HARD. Every child is unique. Not to be a braggart but I am intelligent. I have in the last three years read and become aware of a vast array of things.I KNEW Jermaine was autistic WAY before he was diagnosed. I also know that Jermaine is going to be fine. I spend so much time with him yet how he has excelled in school coupled with the candor of his original teacher and ABA instructor I know he’s going to accomplish great things.
It’s so stressful at times. I have a heavy social media presence at times I’m a Maven so I post fabulous pictures, excellent contact and I’m a little funny. Above all The Creator has given me a great life! But to whom much is given much is required. So many things happened all at once to me. My life changed. My oldest is grown and the life I envisioned didn’t materialize. The entire way I liged my life changed! For the better because I had no choice! But it came at a cost....
As the caregivers of Autistic children depression, anxiety and worry can and might try to take center stage in your life. There’s not enough hours in the day...No matter hoe hard you may try you can’t carve out a niche for yourself. People criticize you not knowing HOW to walk in your shoes, not caring if you have the strength to tie them or if you even have any on. Alas-the show must go on.
I had to change my entire outlook on the world. Everyone is going through something or emerging from something. Perspective is everything in life. I am so blessed to be able to be here for both my children. I’m trying the best I can.
When I was asked to write this for Curtis-someone who I admire from my community AND who is married to a phenomenal woman who I consider a friend I was touched. Only a parent who knows what the other is going through can relate. To see a Father devote EVERYTHING to HIS makes my heart swell.
My Uncle Allen who is my Godfather and Cousin is not feeling good. Literally there since the moment I was born he has throughout my life and David’s been there for me through everything. A Florist he always made sure we had our flowers while it mattered.
A strong support system can do so much! I am at a point where I encourage Parents to allow their children to go to school, take public transportation and experience life. This Summer I literally was making myself sick worried about my baby. He is thriving and I am so happy for him! I also have some ME time and I’m thankful for this too!
I don’t have the answers to everything! Some days I cry tears of sorrow and some days I marvel at the beauty that exists inside my son. I gave David EVERYTHING I could but JJ is my greatest gift to him. We are on this journey together my kids and I.
My Childhood Idol Anne Frank said “Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” She wrote this in her darkest hour....so have hope and stop and smell the roses.....
Comments
Post a Comment