YOU are Enough

 This year taught me many things. You reap what you sow. Point blank period! Happiness comes from within. It’s never a true loss if you learned something. Self-care is not selfish it’s a necessity. To thine own self be true.  I used to literally toss and turn about stuff that had nothing to do with me. Other people’s problems that were just that-they’re problems. PTSD situations and my triggers. Dragged down by my need to save people! Not anymore. Good luck with that.  Im not PERFECT! I love TOO HARD and don’t know how to go with the flow! SIKE! 2023 was my year to truly DO ME! It’s been a work in progress. It didn’t come overnight but gradually I have come to embrace and accept that I’m the sh*t! I draw strength from my Grandparents! My Parents all my elders! Aunt Colette will always be BEST dressed and I got this from her. They ALL fly and humble like their Mothers.  Mrs.Young my fourth grade teacher would put on her lipstick and grab her pocketbook and fur coat and take us to dismis

 WCW I’m writing about my Grandmother for her birthday. The way she wanted me to when she was alive. The stories that my family attempt to elicit out of me. In 5th Grade I won the NYC Writing Contest based on an piece I wrote about Nana. I literally blocked it out guys ALL these years.  Not that  it was about her but the depth of the subject matter. It was the only time besides when Carlyn died and my Daddy that I really saw her cry HARD. Even now I feel like I am betraying her(I know for naught) Nothing fazed this WOMAN. To compensate for my deplorable handwriting God assigned me the gift of prose. Mommy was sooo elated. Ms. Rand too. It had been a HARD year for my family  I also have a great Memory and my paper Ms. Goldstein held on to it like Ms. Douglas and Ms. Kaplan and Karen Connors would later down the line. They always reread it over and over again and would look at me. When I feel weak and get tired of fighting the powers that be and who don’t BE I draw on the fact that it’s

  I read that when you feel stressed out you should plan a vacation. My good friend who supported me throughout the years in many ways invited me to celebrate her birthday with her. I’m really excited because she’s amazing and a true BOSS and we are going to have a TIME.  I am making monumental strides in life. I’m Moving Right Along like my Father taught me. Early this morning my Aunt Darlene’s post about my Mothers favorite song “I wanna Thank You” (Heavenly Father) by Alicia Meyers. It’s Michael B. Jordan’s favorite song too. He said it in Vogue’s 73 Questions.  Just seeing my Mothers Name and the fact that this was her song brought so many memories back. This world is beyond ridiculous now. Like my heart hurts but I cannot let it break. So I’m living each day on purpose in my truest form. Self care is not selfish it’s a necessity. We watch reality tv and come on. All that money. It doesn’t buy happiness but it alleviates so many problems. So choose peace every day. And respect. She

I spent a lot of time alone. For the first time in my life I truly reflected on where I am, where I wanna go and where I have been. I cannot go back and undo anything. There are no do-overs. Just moments that will matter.   I was raised on sitcoms and soap operas. I wrote plays and skits as a child. In my teenage years I rebelled but I was given absolution from my Family and God when both my sons were born a generation apart. The two human beings that I never once thought about not bringing into this world.  I’m living every day on purpose and in my own element. I’m thriving because I’m changing everything I ever was into everything I can be. I had to give myself permission to do this . It changed my life.  I tried to see the good in everyone. It’s not my journey. I can’t care about everyone. Mommy told me that after Chevelle died. She told me my heart was so big. But it can’t carry everyone . It will burst. She said she knows I thought she was a bit cold but it was self preservation.

 Hi Everyone! I feel AMAZING and I hope you do to!  I’m praying for everyone who is going through something right now. It will get BETTER. Maybe not right now, maybe not in the near future. Maybe not for a LONG time. But it will. I am a testament to that.  I’m keeping it so REAL with y’all. I had to go through  some dark times to see the bright light that I am. To know it’s ok to DREAM because God will TOP that. To be confident in the knowledge that my purpose, my calling is to be a conduit between the things I have experienced and witnessed and the WORLD.  In the immortal words of Jason Terrance Phillips “I’m not cocky, I’m just confident. So when you tell me I’m the best m, it’s a compliment”-Jadakiss #movingrightalong #Jadakiss

When you are an overachiever, successful and KiND you can’t let people drain and drag you down because they can’t RELATE. It will change your personality because you will be on sets and in rooms that you don’t belong in.  Don’t you think I KNOW that if I was docile, submissive, subservient and STUPID what my life would be LIKE? Who I would of become? Where I would of ended up?  Until RECENTLY I HONESTLY was SCARED to TELL my STORY. I STILL wasn’t READY. But being at Auntie S’s beautiful home last Christmas and her pleading with me to WRITE our STORY with her beautiful, clear Doe looking eyes that mirror my Grendmothers I KNEW I had too. Nana used to look at me the SAME way.  Because my Uncle Sam who has ALWAYS had my BACK throughout my entire life whether it be OVERJOYED I was SKIPPING a GRADE. Helping  me write my business PLAN, letting me drive his BRAND new CAR for my road test and being the FIRST one in my FAMILY including my parents that I told I was pregnant with DAVID. At Uncle

People that never met my Father be like: Courtney fry the BEST chicken. People that met my Father be like: Courtney fry chicken JUST like Ronald. He FED everyone.  People that KNOW us be like: Gwen and Ronald chicken was so GOOD because they BOTH could FRY chicken. Because Granny and Nana could fry chicken.  Mommy just didn’t cook a lot because she worked all the time when she wasn’t sick and was TIRED and anemic. And  her man knew that from the START so he picked up the SLACK.  I was always reading and writing in a corner or the bathroom or sitting in the car while they were ALL frying chicken🤣I always get the first piece from EVERY one of the people I have mentioned.  FYI: Granny chicken was the BEST even Daddy SAID so. Granny would laugh with the fork in her hand and be like “Ronald you KNOW you can cook anything GOOD.” Nana would just BEAM with PRIDE as her child would perfectly fry so MUCH chicken. He would be ready for the corner like I BE 💤🤣so Aunt Jawtaun would take over. AL

PSA: To ALL the PEOPLE of COLOR who CLOWNED Tyler Perry on SOCIAL media for YEARS he’s MAKING the MOVIES that y’all thought he should of been making ALL along NOW. At his own STUDIO built on a former plantation and sacred SOIL.  My Mother was a Tyler Perry Superfan. Her and Cherylann from the BEGINNING. She said these stories needed to be told because it be just like THIS in REAL LIFE. I remember one LOW day in my LIFE back when he was still writing his weekly and sometimes daily emails. He was talking about how he was defeated, broke, lost and HURT. Because throughout his LIFE f*cked up SH$T happened to HIM yet he remained aligned with God and gave him ALL the Glory.  He was BROKEN. He told the owner of the theater this was IT. The last show he was going back to MCI or whatever telecommunications company he worked for. This was the LAST show. He asked God for a SIGN. And he looked out the window and the line was around the Block for his show.   People come into your life for a SEASON.

I respect Cardi so much. Granny and Auntie lived in the Bronx. Papa used to hustle up in Washington Heights. He sold high end fashion. To ANYONE with some money. I was on the scene on weekends  this is one of the many reasons why Cardi is a success. It’s a VIBE only the strongest survive. Like my whole family bought cigarettes ANYWHERE they saw a store lol.  I used to go with this guy he lived in Castle Hill. He used to ride all the way to get me and take me on amazing dates.  Or a cab from the Bronx home or halfway train then a cab  It took forever and he was tired he worked hard young. it was fun tho. He was cool. We were mad young.He bought me that bracelet. His Mother was MAD! She was FLY she ain’t really like me.  The cat ate cat food out of Crystal! We had nice dinners at their house.  Oh what a time to be alive in New York.