YOU are Enough

  My grandmother is on my mind because her anniversary is coming up.....I realize how much of an influence she is on me. You know why I have this vast vocabulary? Because Nana used to TALK to me....my family doesn’t really like to talk to about it because I talk so much now🤣🤣🤣 but I was speech delayed as well. I believe it was because of my hearing I always had hearing problems my parents and teachers just masked and hid it because well I was a gifted, black little girl growing up in NYC in a time where every spot was a challenge. It more than likely was co-signed and approved by Nana... My Grandmother was to me in death what she was in life-My Role Model. I KNOW almost everything about her and it makes me admire her more. The respect my Mother had for her was so touching. She always used to say “Miss Betty loves my kids” with pride! Nana gave us everything! ALL of US every time. Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, we was lit! I am so confident body wise ...

 I did it like 5 times as a Directory Assistance Operator that shift was rough and I was young . My Father worked 630 am-230pm in the Post office he would be at work mad early. Even his funeral started on TIME! 🙏🏾 My mother switched from nights (11-7) to 7am-3pm after 25 years. She worked in the Post Office from the time she was 18 until she retired. She wanted to work in the bank she was brilliant with numbers a trait Courtney inherited. The Post Offive called her first and she committed to it and THEN the bank called her.... She was so MAD at herself for not switching sooner. She wanted to spend every second available to us. I SEE that NOW/. We had the same phone number until I was grown. She always left the best impressions. When she died the man that owns the check cashing place told me that my Mother was one of the most responsible people he ever met...How many times did he cash her checks and she spent almost every dime on bills? No Food Stamps. no Jiggets, no Section 8, no...

Nobody: Mommy in the 90’s: Somebody gonna HURT Wendy one day.... Nobody (AGAIN): Mommy: she ain’t lying tho 🧐🤣🤣🤣 I could HEAR back THEN and we listened to the radio EVERY day the shit Wendy would say about people 🥺😱it was HARSH but TRUE like she worked hard in this industry and I really liked this movie....she secured that bag for herself and this MF almost broke her. She portrayed him better than she could if I remember mad shit but like I said I liked this movie I was pleasantly surprised and entertained.  I didn’t watch the documentary yet but I felt THIS on so many levels. He wouldn’t let her talk about herself so she lashed out about others. That was the control. He kept her busy and spent so much time with her that when he was gone she was ok. And he loves her son that’s WHY she STAYED. He got sloppy and he violated to the fullest.  I don’t really KNOW this isn’t any of my fuckin business 🤣🤣🤣 Nobody:  Mommy: Wendy tries TOO hard. She is brave and she should...

  Professionally I feel so empowered, optimistic and Kimmish! I KNOW everything is coming together because God, Daniele and I said so 😏🙏🏾I feel like my Ancestors are so NEAR watching, applauding and loving EVERYTHING I am doing. I’ve learned to invest in myself. And be unapologetic about it as well.  While doing this I have also learned that Nothing is coincidence and The Creator has orchestrated everything for my greater GOOD. There’s a thin line between HURT and ANGER. Sometimes it’s so THIN they TOUCH. I have been ANGRY for too LONG! You know WHY it’s too long? Because every moment I waste being MAD I cannot recover! I miss out on all the JOY in my LIFE!  I am doing FANTASTIC! The ONLY person in this WORLD who ever truly HEARD me gave me a fresh start, another point of view and the resources to change my life! And he didn’t have to! That’s what makes it all the more beautiful. But above ALL he told me that he was HARD on ME because he sees what I don’t! He taught me...

Today is a CHILL day(can I say THAT?) 🤣After class and a few meetings JJ and I are going to have FUN. I do my BEST and GOD does the REST! Twenty years will FLY by and I not only hope to be here to SEE it but to witness the fruits of my LABOR.  I’m living my life day by day. Trusting God and His Wisdom. This period in history will define EVERY generation. I’m learning so much about myself. I’m a giver, a healer but I deplete my own resources by extending myself. So I’ve STOPPED.  One of the WORST days and BEST days of my life (simultaneously) was getting JJ tested for his HEARING. I was ALONE. The head of the hospital was so kind and gracious and understanding. I never told anyone but Big David how I truly FEEL about Jermaine’s Autism diagnosis. The TRUTH, TRUTH. Candid, raw and vulnerable it was so cathartic. The long road and the exposure of my insecurities and shortcomings. It led to my breakthrough and my journey to healing. A man of few words yet he ALWAYS knows just what...

 Love you to the end of time.  Mommy talked to me very candidly the Summer before she passed away. The Pandemic has given me time, space, distance and clarity to organize my life and my thoughts Daddy. Completing a book isn’t a hurdle, it’s a task which I can finish just like everything else in life.  I hope you KNOW how much I appreciate you and everything you tried to teach me. You were a great Father. You did the best you could and I see that now.  Y’all relationship was y’all relationship and I KNOW now WHY! You loved AND cared about us and she could TRUST you! Everything else was immaterial.  Love makes volcanos, cooks chicken in every form possible, raises two spelling bee champions. Love tries over and OVER again for sobriety and LOVE makes sure that even from Heaven your children feel your love. ALL your children love you Daddy they understand and accept that nobody is PERFECT but until your dying breath you SMILED through it ALL.  I am the Gatekeep...

Thanking God and giving HIM ALL The GLORY for giving me the opportunity to live and thrive throughout the Pandemic and everything associated with it. For allowing me to live abundantly when I could of been destitute and downtrodden. For allowing my abilities to outshine my disability so I can stay focused and use these crucial and formative years to be JJ’s voice.  I want to thank every and anyone who has been there for me in 2020. For the people that made sure Jermaine Jr. had a CHRISTMAS on CHRISTMAS. The amazing teachers and therapists that go above and beyond. Who treat me with dignity and respect.For the dope haircuts that Scid-nice Atkinson does that JJ loves and looks forward too. The discipline and patience that got us HERE. The little things mean the MOST. To my Aunts who lovingly gave my baby and the kids in our family a beautiful holiday your Parents ARE PROUD! For the ones who know that the best thing you can do is just LISTEN to me. No judgements, distain just LISTEN I...