Some days are better than others. Circumstances, life experiences and just an ingrained way of living and thinking can hinder our growth. Milestones mark the need for change and often send us on a quest to do things different and experience new adventures.
I can only speak for myself but I do well under pressure. I am a procrastinator-I tend to wait for the last, literal minute to complete tasks. I'm always putting things off. It's just me. My father was a very punctual person. His own funeral started on time. He detested that I always was running late. That has been something I have been working on for years and have gotten better at.
In becoming a better you you must let go of what is weighing you down. You must accept apologies you're never going to receive. You must forgive people that aren't sorry. You must accept that people are just that PEOPLE and their lot in life is no concern to you. I am close with a few people who are going through so much right now. They see my strides and emulate what I am doing and it fills my heart with joy. I'm not doing anything other than living in my light for the first time. People come into your lives sometimes for just a SEASON. It can be twenty years, a lifetime or just a few but you have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them.
My Nana Mrs. Betty Filmore was born in the early part of the twentieth century. The knowledge and wisdom she had came from experience. In her ninety years on Earth out of ALL the things she taught me the two things that I CARRY with me daily is that FAMILY is everything AND make each day matter. Regardless of WHAT we were doing or HOW we were living she loved us each unconditionally and claimed each of us as a limb to her tree that she grew by herself. And she didn't spend her life harping on what should of been or what was suppose to happen. She encountered hurt yet she allowed love to trump any pain she endured.
My age allowed me to grow up with my grandparents alive, healthy and sharing in our upbringing. My maternal and paternal grandparents for a time lived on opposite sides of Baisley pond. My Granny Mrs. Helen Jenkins was the first person to retire from William-Sonoma. She worked well into her sixties. She lost her husband my grandfather Edward earlier in life yet she never stopped living. She passed away right before President Obama was inaugurated but she witnessed his historic victory.
When David was a child three of my grandparents and my parents were alive, active and helping me. They all are no longer with us. At times I feel their celestial guidance is just as evident as if they were physically here. My grandmothers abhorred mediocrity. My grandfathers set the bar so high because they were men and carried themselves as such. They took on challenges, lived in a time which they did whatever was necessary to provide for all of us.
I know that I would not be who I am today without the childhood I had. The things I witnessed, just my overall upbringing molded me into the woman I am now. Flawed as hell I am just trying to LIVE. I tell a lot of jokes but I really believe being sheltered by my family, growing up watching soap operas and sitcoms and always having my nose in books hindered me from seeing things I needed to see. I rebelled in high school but then I had David and went to work. I was always at work! I missed out on so much on that damn phone! Holidays, vacations, just LIFE.
That's why I am so adamant about living in the moment now. I always put everything and everyone before myself. It's good to be a giver but at the end of the day you must focus on YOU. I love my boys but in order for them to live their best lives their Mother must be fulfilled and happy. I believe in me but above ALL my kids believe in me. Armed with their love and support I can handle ANYTHING and whatever comes.
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